I am experiences the light and dark right now with my husband's passing last week. I am dark with missing him, light from the freedom of Alzheimer's caregiving, dark with exhaustion of all the administrivia of death, light with the possibility of the rest of my life on my terms. I shall walk to the lake around which we watched baby ducks and geese being hatched and learning to swim and look for a white stone and a black stone to carry. Thank you for this.
So grateful for your message, Karen. I didn't know about your husband's passing, and I am so very sorry. All of these polarities of emotions and experiences you mentioned seem so real and important. Like Audrey wrote, may your husband's memory be your blessing, and I am so glad you will have those two stones. Big love to you. ❤️🩹
Oh Karen—so many feelings to hold at once. I stand with you in your darkness and light. May your husband’s memory (and his wholeness) be forever for a blessing.
I love the stones, and also love the Jewish idea of the two slips of paper. My ritual is to put my hands out, imagining the dark in one hand and light in the other, and remind myself in that moment that I am capable of holding two seemingly contradictory emotions at once. Of allowing nuance and self-compassion to hover between my hands, and pass energy back and forth. Thus, I begin to heal, allowing a small smile to form, and think of one moment in my life of pure light and joy. For me, that moment is at a NY Mets game with my Grandpa in the mid-1960s, when I was eight years old. We were eating hot dogs and he gave me a sip of his beer. I can still taste its bitterness, and also its sweetness because it was of and from him. Whenever I go to a Mets game, I have a hot dog and a beer, and I toast my Grandpa, thanking him for helping me develop resilience at a time when I had none.
Oh my gosh, this brought a lump in my throat. I really felt this so deeply. What a wonderful memory of your grandpa, and such a perfect example. And your practice is just so beautiful. I can visualise it. SO so beautiful. Thank you, Audrey, so much.
I am hearing Thich Nhat Hanh’s poem as I read this. (call me by my true names)
………
Please call me by my true names,
so I can hear all my cries and laughter at once,
so I can see that my joy and pain are one.
Please call me by my true names,
so I can wake up
and the door of my heart
could be left open,“
In these times, nothing is hidden from us. We have become a reflection of the goddess of compassion with a thousand heads and arms. Through the internet we have a global view of suffering that is sometimes too much to hold. It is a godl-like , unique to these times. This poem is my two stones. It lifts the weight of judgment and reminds me that love introduces beauty into the darkness places.
For various reasons, you reminded me of this poem, a long time favorite of mine
Meditation XVII, John Donne, published 1624
No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne were; any mans death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankinde; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee. [Donne's original spelling and punctuation]
Dear Kateri, you have given me much to think about. I have spent a lifetime worrying what if, even as a child. Until about 18 months ago I was certain nothing or nobody could help. I have now learned different, only by being at my lowest ebb could I allow some practice into my life. I now understand what you are talking about but it’s a new idear to me and I’m just learning to walk that thread of gold. It’s so good to read your thoughts and experiences, they are such a help and I love the idear of the two stones. Something physical to have which may be a reminder to keep walking the middle ground.
Big hug, Michelle. I really think for the vast majority of us humans the what ifs are our default state. The middle ground is a conscious effort, at least for me, and I can easily forget about it and fall into the vortex of what ifs so easily. The two stones are such a good tangible reminder for me. I hope they are for you, too. ❤️
I have carried similar thoughts in my head for decades now, but the soon-to-be-picked stones in my pocket will make it easier to remember and be connected to them. Because my mind can be clumsy/overwhelmed/exhausted, but my body does "knowing" like a bird does "flying".
Life is amazing, it is wonderful. Reminding us that there is both the joy and sorrow brings me to remember the bumps in the road and the flights of happiness, have to be.
I too carry stones in my pocket. Two stones that tumble together as I walk. Sometimes they clickety clack together, sometimes one is cool and the other warm always there to reach for and feel comfort. And, usually one dark and one light. What you write here resonates with me and always has. This month an event in my life reminded me more than ever before that in the darkest moments the smallest joys become so great and precious.
I can feel that clickety clacking of the stones. I hope they have helped you through this time. I know it has been difficult. Thank you for being here, Janet. ❤️🩹🌈
I am experiences the light and dark right now with my husband's passing last week. I am dark with missing him, light from the freedom of Alzheimer's caregiving, dark with exhaustion of all the administrivia of death, light with the possibility of the rest of my life on my terms. I shall walk to the lake around which we watched baby ducks and geese being hatched and learning to swim and look for a white stone and a black stone to carry. Thank you for this.
So grateful for your message, Karen. I didn't know about your husband's passing, and I am so very sorry. All of these polarities of emotions and experiences you mentioned seem so real and important. Like Audrey wrote, may your husband's memory be your blessing, and I am so glad you will have those two stones. Big love to you. ❤️🩹
Oh Karen—so many feelings to hold at once. I stand with you in your darkness and light. May your husband’s memory (and his wholeness) be forever for a blessing.
I love the stones, and also love the Jewish idea of the two slips of paper. My ritual is to put my hands out, imagining the dark in one hand and light in the other, and remind myself in that moment that I am capable of holding two seemingly contradictory emotions at once. Of allowing nuance and self-compassion to hover between my hands, and pass energy back and forth. Thus, I begin to heal, allowing a small smile to form, and think of one moment in my life of pure light and joy. For me, that moment is at a NY Mets game with my Grandpa in the mid-1960s, when I was eight years old. We were eating hot dogs and he gave me a sip of his beer. I can still taste its bitterness, and also its sweetness because it was of and from him. Whenever I go to a Mets game, I have a hot dog and a beer, and I toast my Grandpa, thanking him for helping me develop resilience at a time when I had none.
Oh my gosh, this brought a lump in my throat. I really felt this so deeply. What a wonderful memory of your grandpa, and such a perfect example. And your practice is just so beautiful. I can visualise it. SO so beautiful. Thank you, Audrey, so much.
I am hearing Thich Nhat Hanh’s poem as I read this. (call me by my true names)
………
Please call me by my true names,
so I can hear all my cries and laughter at once,
so I can see that my joy and pain are one.
Please call me by my true names,
so I can wake up
and the door of my heart
could be left open,“
In these times, nothing is hidden from us. We have become a reflection of the goddess of compassion with a thousand heads and arms. Through the internet we have a global view of suffering that is sometimes too much to hold. It is a godl-like , unique to these times. This poem is my two stones. It lifts the weight of judgment and reminds me that love introduces beauty into the darkness places.
There is a lot for me to think about here. Thank you for these words of Thich Nhat Hahn. I didn’t know them. Thank you so much, Kathy.
For various reasons, you reminded me of this poem, a long time favorite of mine
Meditation XVII, John Donne, published 1624
No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne were; any mans death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankinde; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee. [Donne's original spelling and punctuation]
I love that poem, too. Thank you 🙏🏼
I love this so much - and am now going to look for my own stones to carry.
🥰
Dear Kateri, you have given me much to think about. I have spent a lifetime worrying what if, even as a child. Until about 18 months ago I was certain nothing or nobody could help. I have now learned different, only by being at my lowest ebb could I allow some practice into my life. I now understand what you are talking about but it’s a new idear to me and I’m just learning to walk that thread of gold. It’s so good to read your thoughts and experiences, they are such a help and I love the idear of the two stones. Something physical to have which may be a reminder to keep walking the middle ground.
Thank you.
Big hug, Michelle. I really think for the vast majority of us humans the what ifs are our default state. The middle ground is a conscious effort, at least for me, and I can easily forget about it and fall into the vortex of what ifs so easily. The two stones are such a good tangible reminder for me. I hope they are for you, too. ❤️
Love this, Kateri. Thank you.
You are so welcome. Thank you for being here!
I have carried similar thoughts in my head for decades now, but the soon-to-be-picked stones in my pocket will make it easier to remember and be connected to them. Because my mind can be clumsy/overwhelmed/exhausted, but my body does "knowing" like a bird does "flying".
I would love to see your stones when you find them. Maybe we should have a thread of stone sharing ❤️ Thank you so much, Stefania.
What a beautiful piece at at a timely moment in the World. I am going to embark on carrying two stones now. Beautiful reminder.
Makes me happy. I would love to see your stones! We should have a stone sharing thread later this week xoxo Thank you, Nancy!
Life is amazing, it is wonderful. Reminding us that there is both the joy and sorrow brings me to remember the bumps in the road and the flights of happiness, have to be.
They both matter. Hopefully as many flights as bumps ❤️ Thanks, mom.
I too carry stones in my pocket. Two stones that tumble together as I walk. Sometimes they clickety clack together, sometimes one is cool and the other warm always there to reach for and feel comfort. And, usually one dark and one light. What you write here resonates with me and always has. This month an event in my life reminded me more than ever before that in the darkest moments the smallest joys become so great and precious.
I can feel that clickety clacking of the stones. I hope they have helped you through this time. I know it has been difficult. Thank you for being here, Janet. ❤️🩹🌈
Love how you continue to carry the two stones. Beautiful !
I will never ever forget it. Thank you, Felicitas. And I am so glad you are here!